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Connecting with the Rude & Anti-Social

I’d like to follow up on my 9/13 blog entitled: “Tips On Connecting with People Outside of Your Comfort Zone” and share some tips on connecting with a style of individuals that I refer to as “the toughies” – people who are rude and anti-social.

My career places in me front of clients and strangers all day long.  Once in a while, there’s a client or stranger who’s a real tough nut to crack (“toughies“) in terms of connecting.  Recently, a gentleman came into my store with his wife and a grim look on his face.  He had an issue and needed it fixed right away.  He was not interested in having any sort of conversation beyond getting his need satisfied.  Still, my goal was to break this thick wall of ice between us.  In order to do so, I had to look beyond his rude and unsocial personality to find the potential to make a positive and impressionable connection.

Long story short, we ended up having a series of laughs and a warm handshake and a smile when it was all said and done and get this – before leaving my office he requested one of my business cards himself.  It was such a positive experience that I wanted to share a couple of tips with you all as to what I did to help make this happen.

The trick is to focus 100% on the person.  This means don’t ask a question unless it 100% directly relates to the person standing in front of you.  Remember, people love hearing their name and they love talking about themselves, their accomplishments and their interests.  This gives you the opportunity to leverage favorable attention (see previous blogs) by utilizing their answers to pay them a compliment.   Here are some examples of questions that are solely directed at learning about a specific person:  “You look familiar.”   “I don’t think we’ve met before, have we?”   “If you don’t mind me asking, are you originally from (City Name)?”  Although it would be acceptable to ask:  “Do you live close to here?”  Depending on their age: “What do you do for a living?”  “Are you retired?”  “Where did you retire from?”  “Are you a student?”  “Where did you graduate from?”  “What do you do for a living?”

NOTE 1:  Make Eye Contact when asking them a question.

NOTE 2:  In the event that this rude person’s spouse is there with them, your questions should focus on both of them.

NOTE 3:  DON’T ask indirectly related questions:  “Do you have children?”  This is actually a mistake because although a parent’s offspring is important to them, it’s indirectly related to them as an individual.  Another example is the common ‘get to know you question’ of:  “So tell me about yourself?”  That is just too broad and will upset these people who aren’t in the mood to chat.  Make sense?

Like with any conversation, ask one question and then wait for a response.  Even if your rude or anti-social individual responds with “I don’t have time for chit-chat” don’t let that discourage your endeavor to make a connection.  Proceed by acknowledging their desire to stay focused on their issue or need or whatever the situation and then, as you continue to work on solving their problem, ALSO continue to find ways to connect (polite persistent) but be careful not to barrage them with more than a few attempts.  Please make sure you preface each attempt to connect by re-acknowledging their objection to connect with something like: “I know you’re in a hurry and I’m doing everything I can to help make that happen, however, I’m curious about something if you don’t mind my asking …”

In the long run, it’s critical that this rude or anti-social person(s) walks away with the general impression that you are trying to get to know them.  They need to feel that you really care about getting to know them.  Eventually, they may feel like a jerk for being so rude to you and that feeling could work in your favor the next time you encounter them.  Overall, you never want these individuals to walk away feeling like they’ve controlled the conversation because they’ll own that expectation of control the next time you encounter them.

I hope some of these tips help so when you do encounter a rude person you’re back pocket’s equipped with a few tools to help break the ice and make a positive and impressionable connection.

September 19, 2014 by
Publishing

Tips on Connecting Outside of your Comfort Zone

Let’s dig a little deeper into connect and interacting with others, particularly strangers.

Obviously, most of us gravitate towards people with a similar style of communicating or towards people with whom we share something in common.  But its important to learn how to positively and productively interact with people outside of our comfort zone.  It’s all about learning how to nimbly shift your normal every-day interests in order to adapt and make interesting conversation with others.

Just remember (and we’ve talked about this in previous blogs) DON’T BE FAKE.  You’ve got to learn to show genuine interest with another person is talking.  Even if there seems to be no genuine interest in what the other person chooses to discuss, you need to somehow meet them half-way.  Embracing one another’s differences will help you grow as an individual.  After all, how dull would life be if we were all the same?

Here are some connecting tips:

#1  Try and look at the conversation through their lens

#2  Find out what motivates them to enjoy their chosen topic of discussion

#3  Find out what their personal history is behind that motivation

Inquiring may uncover a commonality that could be used to bridge a single-sided conversation into a mutually enjoyed one.

Next time you encounter a group of people, challenge yourself to gravitate towards a stranger (or even more challenging a group of strangers). Explore ways to adapt and expand your interests to build new relationships.  Our world is communicating more and more via social media and instant messaging and less and less via face-to-face.  Learning how to connect with different people will help give you a competitive edge in social environments as the generations to come moving less and less towards face-to-face interactions at a rapid pace.

Your ability to effectively connect with individuals and/or groups will leave an inspirational impression on them.  You will be more remembered by those individuals or groups versus those parties who failed to find a way to connect.

September 13, 2014 by
Publishing

Inspired by Experts

Have you ever been inspired by a legitimate know-it-all?  I’m not talking about those people who make stuff up to impress anyone who will listen but rather a true expert in a particular (or multiple) fields.  The first person who comes to mind, for me, is Dr. Maura Isles from TNT’s Hit TV Series “Rizzoli & Isles.”  Although her character is an extreme case of genius, it’s one of the reasons why I tune in to every episode.  Dr. Isles inspires me to want to learn more seeing how people trust the knowledge she shares and seek her out when they need answers.

Throughout my life, I’ve encountered less extraordinary examples of one or another category experts yet nonetheless inspiriting.  I’m easily sucked into their vast knowledge and confident way of speaking.  These folks are commonly known as SME‘s or Subject Matter Experts and they truly have a gift of inspiring others.

People seek one thing when it comes to information: Accuracy.  Unless you’re in search of opinion, the accuracy of what someone is telling you is critical to them returning to you for additional information.

In previous blogs I have talked about connecting.  If you are good at connecting then a smart way to retain your listeners, readers, fans, customers, clients, etc you should expand your factual knowledge about the subjects on which they rely on your for information.  How?  Research.  Read historical and up-to-date information on the subject.  Ask questions of other SME’s.  The wider you can expand your knowledge, the more frequently people will come to seeking information.  If the information you share is always wrong, they will never come to you again.  (Note: for business and marketing information I’m a big fan of the Harvard Business Review).

One of the best ways to inspire someone is by teaching them something, of value, that they didn’t already know.  Then, every time they use that new information they will think of you.  Not only that, they will share that information with others, hopefully, mentioning your name and/or business name along with it.

September 1, 2014 by
Publishing

Your Business Card: Willy Wonka’s Golden Ticket

You’ve all heard of the “Golden Ticket” from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – right?  In this classic children’s story by Roald Dahl, kids all over the world are rushing to the nearest candy shop to by a Willy Wonka Candy Bar anticipating the extraordinary odds of discovering a golden ticket inside!  Imagine how excited that moment must have been for each of those five lucky winners.  That ticket would have been their most important possession.  Imagine if any of them would have lost their ticket.  What an absolute tragedy.  Imagine if your business card symbolized a similar value.  In essence, you would be the Willy Wonka of your industry or in your local market.  What yielding effects this would have on your sales results!

Obviously, some may be thinking: Brian, don’t you think you’re exaggerating a little?  But in my professional experience of apprenticing along side a host of very successful leaders in business, I’m not exaggerating at all.  My MISSION is to CONNET AND INSPIRE.   I try and remain cognizant of this in my writings (including my first novel Extra Innings: The Diamond Thieves), my music and my poetry.

I have fifteen years of experience in coaching individual sales reps and sales teams to become top producers.  The most important step in any sales process is connecting with your customer and/or audience.  This is something that needs to occur throughout the sales process.  In The Diamond Thieves, I try connecting with people about flaws in our country’s societal values through the character of T.J.  Writers should consciously try and connect with their readers throughout the stories they tell.  Salespeople are charged with the objective of connecting either in person or over the phone.  I’m going to share with you a formula for mastering this skill in person in conduction with optimizing the moment of sharing your business card.

First I want to share my overall observations of this encounter.  I refer to most business chard exchanges as a “blind transfer.”  Business cards are most often just routinely handed off.  There is no salient moment where a memorable connection is made reinforcing the value of the other person possessing your business card (Golden Ticket).  Print marketing companies all over the country are focusing their creative intelligence on designing a unique business card that stands out above all the rest, with the goal of improving your payroll by the help of this software tools.  However, if everyone has that specially uniquely designed card – then doesn’t the collection of individual uniquenesses eventually all cancel each other out.  Don’t most business cards end up in a pile with dozens of others?  Your ability to connect and establish an outstanding value with your client will earn your business card a position at the top of the deck – or even more effective a permanent place in your client’s wallet or smartphone. Additionally, event ticketing companies play a crucial role in this process, as they focus on optimizing ticketing experiences for various events and occasions. With the collaboration of the audio visual hire, they successfully enhance the overall experience. (Side Note: I personally like the app Evernote). Additionally, amidst this sea of exchanged cards, it’s important to consider the inclusion of invoices, which often accompany these interactions.

How do you do this?   Like I said, it’s all boils down to your ability to establish a genuine connection.  ONLY after you feel this has been established should you even consider ramping up for the exchange of your business card.  Here is a simple formula to follow:

STEP 1:  Establish a Genuine Connection (refer to previous blogs on connecting).

Step 2:   Pay them a compliment by appealing to their pride.  Make sure that compliment is based on the conversation you  two have been having.  For example, “Bob, I like hearing about your passion with helping people find better ways to communicate to their employees.”

Step 3:  Ask For Permission to share your business card.

Step 4:  Get Confirmation that they are interested in receiving your business card.

Step 5:  Then … and only then … Hand them Your Business Card (Here’s an additional tip:  write something on the front or back of your business card to make it stand out even more.  Make it pertinent to the connection you two have established.  For example, if you know of a website, author’s name, book, magazine, or something that is pertinent to what’s important to them that they would find value in referencing in the future.

Make Sense?  This is so important versus simply shelling out your business card because it’s the standard business practice.

REMEMBER:  Being the exception versus the norm will move your business light years ahead of your competition and earn your business card that “Golden Ticket” – like status.

 

August 28, 2014 by
Publishing

Historically Fictional Characters

In my July 13, 2014 blog I shared 3 Key Qualities to a Successful Blogger.  One of those qualities was Attention to Detail.   For the sake of time, I am going to narrow this topic down to ONE specific detail regarding Historical Fiction: Character Names.

Generally speaking the objective of historical fiction is to capture the particular period in history during which the story takes place.  One important detail that shouldn’t be missed is the authenticity of character names.  Many names that are popular today were not always popular and in some cases did not even exist.  For example, in my book Extra Innings: The Diamond Thieves, one of the main supporting character’s is Charlie Blair.  In the original version of the story, he was written as Ryan Blair simply because I liked that name and though it fit his persona of being a pretty boy.  However, according to my research the name Ryan did not appear as a first name until 1946.  Previously, it had only been known as a last name.  My story begins in 1947, at which point my “Ryan Blair” was thirteen years old.  Fortunately, I caught this oversight and then had to begin searching for a fitting name to this character.  Social Security online has a designated section for popular boy and girl baby names for each specific year in history (you can also search by decade).  This site was very helpful through the Extra Innings trilogy since I can search by state and the story takes place in Mississippi.   (NOTE:  If your book takes place in another country you may try using a site called Baby Name Wizard.  This allows you to search for popular boy and girl names by country).  Through my searching I was able to happily settle on Charlie which was one of the top 10 boy names during the 1930’s in the American South.    REMEMBER:  Search using the decade or year in which your character was born NOT the year in which they are a young adult or adult in your story.

Now I’m going to switch perspectives.  Although it is critical to capture authenticity when representing a specific period in American History, or anywhere in the world, you may also choose a unique name to one or a few select characters.  This may help to give your book some global popularity when it comes to search engine uniqueness.  Although it was not my initial intention with one key character, T.J. was certainly not a popular name until later on in American History.  The only reference I could find was in ‘Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry‘ by Mildred D. Taylor.  One of her characters was a 13 year old boy named TJ Avery.  I debated whether or not to change T.J.’s name to a more popular black name of the Old South but ultimately believe it was best considering how significant and unique of a role he played throughout the books.

Lastly, is surnames.  This is another area you don’t want to miss.  Make sure you to your research on popular last names AND how they were spelled as spellings may be different in certain regions of the United States as well as specific parts often world.

This extra step of research will have a significant impact on how your book feels to its readers.  Even if your target market was not alive during that particular era, an accurately selected name, especially one unique to that time period, may trigger a memory of a grandparent or great grandparent that will help boost the story’s overall credibility.  The last thing I would want is for my readers to comment: “I loved B.W. Gibson‘s Extra Innings story but I couldn’t get past that Ryan Blair character.  I’m from the South and Ryan was just not a name that was ever used back then.”

Make sense?

August 10, 2014 by