I’ve been getting a lot of emails from people asking to hear more from me on the “inspire” half of my blog’s mission statement “To Connect and Inspire.” For me, inspiration mostly comes from listening to the tones in my mind and jotting those tones down on paper. Mostly they appear in the form of poetry or song lyrics. So, in response to those wanting more inspirational stuff … I’m going to do a blog series sharing past and new poems and songs. The first one I’m going to begin with was written for an old friend and drummer in my old band who’s girlfriend was moving across the country. Her excitement around the move was breaking his heart as he was staying behind where we lived in Massachusetts. Seeing the emotional pain he was going through inspired me to write a song. So this next blog’s for you Joe … it’s called “Far Away.”
All Posts By
Brian
I have been receiving a slue of emails at my brian@bwgibson.net in response to my 10/20/2014 “Connecting with DiSC Scenario” blog. Most of my responders were young professionals. I read each email thoroughly and discovered a common theme of people wanting to know how they could adopt the Marston’s DiSC model into their every day life.
First, you need to understand where YOUR personalities lies within the DiSC model. Are you a result-driven, bottom line High D, perhaps with a low i side to your personality that is good at persuading others and enjoys building relationships. Maybe you’re a High S who places emphasis on cooperation and dependability with a low C side that is slightly obsessed with accuracy and enjoys getting down to the nitty-gritty details of a project or game plan. Whoever you are, thoroughly understanding those dimensions within your self are critical to the continuous learning process of how to effectively connect with others.
The second step would be to observe your current circle of friends or co-workers and identify where 4 or 5 of them exist within the quadrants of Dr. Marston’s DiSC model. Once you identified these roles spend some time examining the daily interactions between these 4 or 5 chosen individuals. Are they able to effectively communicate with one another? Are they connecting in a positive and productive manner?
Next, how does your personality style fit among these 4 or 5 chosen individuals? Is the message you’re attempting to send a clearly received message to your audience ? Or is there confusion or perhaps errors in how these messages are received? This is commonly referred to as “noise.” If so, how could you revise your message in a way that it is communicated from their point of view?
Speaking from the listener’s point of view is the most important yet most commonly neglected component in effective communication. This helps to reduce and hopefully eliminate the “noise” confusion between the sender and the receiver. Mastering this skill will help you to connect better with most everyone you encounter.
Instead of regurgitating a breakdown of each of the 4 DiSC personalities, I thought there would be more practical value in bringing these personalities to life through storytelling.
Picture the following scenario: a departure gate at a smaller non-international airport and the flight to NYC /JFK airport is 1 hour delayed due to a maintenance issue with your plane. (For the purpose of elucidating DiSC’s four main personality types we will only acknowledge 4 individuals at the scene):
Individual # 1 is Denny. This flight is Denny’s connecting flight into Berlin, Germany for a long-awaited 2 week adventure vacation touring Germany which will end with Oktoberfest in Munich.
Individual # 2 is Isabella. Isabella is the airport service employee stationed at the gate and responsible for getting all travelers onto this plane to New York.
Individual # 3 is Steve. Steve is on his way to NYC for a short trip to see a childhood friend who is losing her battle with cancer.
Individual #4 is Caroline. Caroline is traveling to NYC to conduct an important training seminar for her company.
Denny is our D personality in the DiSC model. As a D, his personality is confident and blunt, he wants bottom-line results and to the point information, he primarily sees the big picture.
Isabella is our I personality. I’s are outgoing, people-oriented, they love having fun and creating and exciting and positive environment.
Sam is our S. S’s are reserved, calm and cooperative but also people-oriented and exhibit behaviors ore being supportive and fostering a steady environment.
Caroline is our C. C’s pride themselves with accuracy, they are afraid of being wrong, objective reasoning and comprehending details are a strength. They enjoy their independence.
Now … back to our scenario. After the first hour goes by, Denny is really starting to get extremely nervous. He knows he has a 2 hour delay in NYC before he needs to catch his flight to Berlin. If this flight he’s currently waiting for is delayed more than another half hour he risks missing his connecting flight to Berlin depending on how close he is to his departure gate once they land at JFK in NYC. Isabella the airport employee can see that Denny is getting impatient. Isabella is certified in DiSC and uses this knowledge when she approaches him to size up the scene. As she talks to Denny she is picking up signals of his D personality. By nature, Isabella is a positive person and usually likes to keep things upbeat. However, she knows if she responds to Denny’s concerns in this manner her personality style is only going to upset the situation more. Denny, being a D, needs to know what the bottom line is on a realistic time for this “maintenance issue” to be resolved. He wants the big picture explained so Isabella is able to tell him where his flight will be landing at JFK and that it’s a quick walk to his connecting gate, which fortunately is in the same concourse in which he will land. By Isabella appealing to Denny’s D personality, she is able to ease his anxiety.
A few seats away, Caroline is beginning to get upset. She is not a fan of travelling because she seems to always encounter flight delays on business travel. This causes her to have to rush to wherever her company needs her to be once she arrives at her destination. Sitting next to her is Sam. Sam is not worried about a 1 hour delay at this point. He realizes once he gets to NYC he will only have 2 day to visit with his friend who has cancer, however, he also understands he’s at the mercy of the airline and there’s really nothing he can do to speed up the process of boarding this flight to NYC. Sam turns to Caroline, who although she’s keeping her opinion to herself, it’s quite obvious that she is upset. Although Sam is not certified or has ever heard of DiSC, it’s in his S-nature to remain calm and take measure to diffuse any situations that are at risk of becoming incensed. Sam leans over to Caroline and asks: “Is NYC your final destination?”
Carolline is not really in the mood to talk to anyone but she chooses to be polite and respond by explaining that she’s traveling there on business. Sam then asks if this will be Caroline’s first time in NYC and Caroline nods and says “yes.”
Sam is unaware that his S nature of remaining calm and interest in meeting new people is actually helping to distract Caroline from her nervous frustration. Sam is also unaware that his excitement to provide Caroline with sight-seeing and restaurant suggestions is actually helping the situation even more. Especially since Sam is willing to provide the subway and walking directions to each of these places (remember, Caroline is a C and likes details).
Twenty minutes later the plane’s maintenance issues are resolved and Isabella declares the great news over the intercom.
The world is a beehive of different personalities, but Marston’s DiSC model simplifies them into 4 general categories. Understanding where your personality exists along with how you respond when encountering personalities different from your own will allow you to connect better with the human race.
Understanding yourself is the first step towards becoming more effective at connecting with others.
My favorite tool/model in helping to understand myself and how I relate to others is William Marston’s DiSC Model (1972). I was first introduced to DiSC 10 yrs ago while I was managed a call center team of over 100 sales representatives. A year later I was certified in DiSC Personality Assessment.
Marston developed a theory that people illustrate their behaviors via four different personality styles. William Clarke, a psychologist, then constructed these into the famous DiSC model we study today. Imagine a pie divided up into four slices. Below are the four main personality styles that complete Clarke’s DiSC pie chart.
D = Dominance
i = Influential
C = Conscientious
S = Submissive
In my next four blogs I will dive deep into each one of these behavior styles. The first step is to understand within which behavior quadrant(s) you belong. The second step is how to identify another person’s behavioral style and the third step is how to leverage your personality style with your perception of another person’s style in order to connect better with them. Sound productive? It’s a long-learning process that takes years of attention and focus but it works!
Interesting Side Note: I’m a HUGE comic book fan so I must mention that William Marston (pen name Charles Moulton) was not only a psychologist but also a comic book writer and the creator of Wonder Woman. Marston was inducted into the Comic Book Hall of Fame in 2006.
I believe the first step in becoming a master at connecting with others is having a clear and deep understanding of yourself. Today’s world makes it difficult for people to have self-confidence. This is particularly true for teenagers who are more sensitive than most adults. Sources of low self-confidence stem from many directions such as how you were raised as a child, classmates in school, social media, advertising, television, movies, magazines, etc. We tend to place a great deal of pressure on ourselves to live up to what we perceive or others tell us is a desirable self-standard. Self-awareness can be achieved through a variety of activities such as spending time alone meditating or taking a walk allowing your mind to process a day or previous week’s activities. Consciously reflecting on you unconscious principles (your specific attributes) allowing no one else but you to form an opinion is a good practice to develop as a way to gain better self-awareness.
Gaining this awareness is not an overnight process. It can take years, even decades but the more you do it is rewarding and will be recognized by others as you connect with them. Tip: There may be moments when you get stuck and are unable to help yourself form an opinion or are not satisfied with the opinion you’ve helped yourself to form. In that case carefully select someone (not necessarily someone you’re close with) to engage into this discussion to help you out of your rut. Make sense? Hope this helps!